Linda Granger

Linda Granger (I’m still here)

Linda is an Actress,
A lounge singer as well,
She’s a recovering alcoholic,
She’s had work done…
You can tell.

“I’ve kicked Librium and escatrol,
Dexedrine and valium, percodan and percocet,
Secanols, tunials, cocaine, quaaludes, opium,
Peyote and hash.”
She’s recovered from being a sex-addict,
But wasn’t very stable,
When the man came over to her house,
To help her fix her cable.

She has fake acrylic nails,
That are always painted bright,
She could really scratch someone up,
If she were ever in a fight.

“I have all the expressions,
My doctor is a genius”,
Until you tell her that her dog is dead,
Then you can’t even see it.

Her hair is long and brown,
And has many many followers,
“I have such a strong homosexual fan base”,
Including a couple stalkers.

Her dog was eaten by a boa,
When she let him down,
He was a teacup Pomeranian named killer,
Who was never going to be found.

She couldn’t find him anywhere,
And asked Rayleen for help,
“Looks like the boa got ‘em” She said,
“He’s in the Boa’s Mouth.”
All was left was his little red hat,
He was no where to be seen,
“The boa ate my baby!” Linda cried,
And looked a little green.

The camera stopped its rolling,
And wanted this part to be cropped,
“Keep the camera rolling; I don’t want you to stop!”

She’s been married numerous times,
3 or 4 times I think,
All unsuccessful relationships of course,
One day she’ll find her Prince.

She had a baby and gave it up,
And then years later adopted her,
We don’t know who the father is,
Let’s hope it isn’t her manager!

She has written a book,
“I’m Still here: The Linda Granger Story”,
About Personal Misfortune and Surviving Cancer,
And Her Fame and Glory.


“These are all an important part of my struggle”,
“I have a book my dear,
Its available in paperback,
But remember..I’m still here.”