10 Things You Don’t Know About Women: Tracey Ullman

The State of the Union comedian on the Hitachi Magic Wand, and nine other things you don’t know about women.

February 6, 2008, 5:35 AM
www.esquire.com


1. On being asked to write a piece like this, our thoughts immediately become lewd. Hence . . .

2. The Hitachi Magic Wand is rarely used on the shoulder muscle while gazing wistfully into the distance like the model on the box.

3. We don’t envy the woman in the Cialis ad. What’s in it for her over the next thirty-six hours? Cystitis, probably.

4. Thongs hurt, and your bum digests them.

5. Equality will be achieved when we see David Duchovny’s knob on Californication.

6. We hate the smell of Axe.

7. We really don’t find farting funny.

8. We’d rather you fart than wear Axe.

9. We know that, in the main, men are funnier than women.

10. And we can pee standing up.