Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Possible Short Comedy Skit for Tracey

I'm sorry if some of you don't understand some bits, Most of this has been based on "Tracey Takes On" and "State of The Union", mixed together, with some phrases added in that she used in books and interviews. Also, I am not doing this to be mean.. AT ALL...whatever I've written is all in good fun, and for a good laugh!

Ruthy Rogaine= Ruby Romaine, Bobby=Buddy

"Wrinkly Work"

Imagine Tracey Ullman 30 years from now. She's still doing her impressions and big make-ups that she did on State of The Union. She's on the set of a movie playing Judi Dench, Who's fed up of playing the Mother roles. It is early Morning, around 5 AM

(Int.) Sally(Make-Up/Special Effects Make-Up): Good Morning Tracey! Ready for Make-Up?

Tracey: Oh yes Dear. Ready as I'll ever be. I've been in the chair for three hours before getting Make-Up done.

(Sally leads Tracey to the Make-Up Trailer to start on Tracey's transformation. Show Tracey going in, sitting down and then fade, and put " 2 1/2 hours later" on the black screen )

(Int.) ( Fade up)

(Sally has been called on her cellphone, and Tracey's Transformation is complete)

Sally: (On the phone) Yeah. Really?? OH MY GOD! I'll be there ASAP! (Hangs up) Tracey. I'm so sorry but I've just been told my Sister has gone into Labour! I have to go.

Tracey: ( Cheerfully) All right then off you go...(confused) But who's going to do my Make-Up?

Sally: ( Grabbing her Sweater and Bag) Um...Someone who's been in the business for a while. Her name is Ruthy I think.

Tracey: Alright. You'd better be going. Don't want to keep you waiting. See you around! ( Sally leaves, closing the door behind her)

( Tracey is thinking to herself when Ruthy comes in )

Ruthy: ( in a very Ruby Romaine voice) Hey There Honey!

( Tracey looks at Ruthy in the mirror, wide-eyed and thinks "Now that's Freaky...". She also thinks that Ruthy looks exactly like her character Ruby Romaine, only Ruthy's breasts are drastically smaller )

Ruthy: I'm Ruthy...Ruthy Rogaine. I know my last name is the name for a hair growth formula, but I Married a feller who was the Son and Co-Founder of the company. (Pause) He tried givin' me a hickie once...left his teeth on my neck. Anywhoo!

Tracey: (V.O thought) This keeps getting weirder

Tracey: Nice to meet you Ruthy

Ruthy: Yeah Honey, You too! Okay.. let's get started shall we. I gotta go grab my kit from the Buick. Be back in a flash!(Ruthy leaves and Tracey smoothes her long hair, then places it behind one ear )

( Various crashing noises come from outside the Trailer, followed by "Jeesus!" and "Goddam thing!" etc. from Ruthy, Ruthy comes back into the Trailer huffing and puffing.)

Ruthy: (Puts the kit down with a bang on the table) Jesus. I shouldn't have smoked for all those years you know Tracey. Now that's a habit with staying power! ( Laughs)

( Ruthy brings the kit over to where Tracey is sitting, and stops) Hold on Honey. I gotta do my morning stretch. (Ruthy rolls her ankles) (Says while rolling them) And in a circle and in a circle, and around we go, and around we go...

( Ruthy's stretch seems to be getting weirder, and Tracey can't help but smile, and tries to hold in a laugh)

Ruthy: Okay! I'm finito. Let's get started. (Ruthy starts applying Tracey's Make-up)
(While Applying) So, Where are you from? Scandanavia?

( Tracey looks puzzled and thinks "What??" but then remembers that she may be Scandanavian because of her Ancestry)

Tracey: No Actually. I'm originally from England, but have been living in California.

Ruthy: LA huh? The big LA ( Pronounced 'Lay') Whoops...only kidding (Awkward pause)

Ruthy: I remember when L.A used to be nicer. Now it has all these hookers runnin' amuck trying to get their daily more ways than one! (laughs)

Tracey: I hear ya!

Tracey: So Ruthy, Where are you from? ( Tracey is betting that She'll say Wisconsin, because Ruby was from Wisconsin)

Ruthy: Me? I'm from Wisconsin, dont'cha know? (Tracey thinks "Oh yeah" and smiles to herself)

Tracey: Any Children?

Ruthy: Yeah. I had one Rugrat. His name is Bobby.

( Before Tracey can get another question out that she'd probably know the answer to or would be the complete oposite, yet so similar, like Bobby=Buddy, Ruthy is more than half done her Make-Up )

Ruthy: Almost Done!

( Tracey sits in silence reminiscing of her 'Tracey Ullman Show' days, Her 'Tracey Takes On..' days and Her 'State of The Union' days )

Ruthy: ( adds some finishing touches to the make-up) Make-Up is done! Phase 1 complete! ( Chuckles)

Ruthy: (Continued) What style did they want you to have? You know, the Head Honchos?

Tracey: Just a simple bun. It's going to be pulled out anyways. I am doing a fight scene today with a younger Actress. She pulls my hair out and says, "You Filthy Cow!"

Ruthy: I see...( Starts to brush Tracey's long hair) Jesus girl, your hair is like a horses maine! It goes on for miles! (Laughs)

Tracey: (laughs) I like it long. (Jokingly) Plus, If I cut it, it may take away from my worth. Apparently I'm worth 75 million pounds. I said to myself, "No I'm not...I'm worth much more than that!!" (beat) And I still can't believe that my hair still looks so good..It's so shinnnyy...

Ruthy: Okay there Ms. Fairyland. Wake-up and smell the Chemicals.

( Ruthy is now getting ready to put it back in a bun, but gets side-tracked)

Ruthy: JEEAAZZUUSS! ( Her outburst startles Tracey because It came out of the blue)

Tracey: What?? what is it? is everything alright??

Ruthy: (While putting Tracey's hair in a bun) I forgot to turn the oven on for Bobby. Oh Shoot! now when he turns it on he'll blow up the house!

Tracey: (Jokingly) Let's hope it's still in one piece when you get home!

Ruthy: Yeah. Me too (Sprays Tracey's hair) Cover your mouth. Don't wanna inhale this kinda stuff.

Tracey: Why's that? I don't mind if a bit gets into my mouth. It happens all the time. It doesn't taste that bad...

Ruthy: It's bad for you 'cause it doesn't get you high! The only kinda high it gives you is the high I got when I was with my lover...Nothin'! ( laughs)

Ruthy: Wow Honey! You look good so far! (Clicking noise with the tongue)

Ruthy: (Cont.) and you look good with your hair down.

Tracey: I look like a Troll.

Ruthy: Like those toys they had years ago?

Tracey: Exactly.

Ruthy: So, did you hear about Meryl Streep's new movie that's out? it's really doing well. Of Course it is. It's Meryl Streep for goodness sake.

Tracey: No. I don't think I have. I'm sure it's a bloody masterpiece. Gosh, How old is she now?? 83?

Ruthy: Yep, and she's still making movies! Good for her.

Tracey: That's Meryl for ya.

(Fade Out)

( Fade-up,Inside Ruthy's Trailer)

( Ruthy is finishing Tracey's Hair )

Ruthy: Well there ya go! Your all set!

Tracey: Thank you so much Ruby (quickly corrects herself) I mean Ruthy.

(Tracey is called to set. She hears it through the speaker in Ruthy's Trailer. Tracey leaves the Trailer, and walks a short distance to the set)

Director: Okay Tracey. We're setting up over there. (Points to the corner where the set is decorated as a livingroom, and the younger Actress is already there)

( As Tracey is walking over, she overhears the Assistant Director talking to the Camera Operator, and listens in)

Assistant Director: Looks like we'll have to use the Fuzzy Focus lense this time...Try and make her look more youthful...

Camera Operator: But I thought She said that She wasn't afraid to look ugly on TV...

Assistant Director: Well, that doesn't really matter does it? She was much prettier back in the day.

Camera Operator: She still is. At least she doesn't have the botox and collagen in her face like all the other Actresses you see.

( Tracey smiles to herself and walks over to the set. She'll a little miffed that they said they had to make her look younger)

Tracey: ( V.O thought) If they hired me to play an older part, and I call it 'Wrinkly Work', then why the hell are they going to make me look like a baby? (sigh) Oh is Hollywood afterall...



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