Ruthy Rogaine= Ruby Romaine, Bobby=Buddy
"Wrinkly Work"
Imagine Tracey Ullman 30 years from now. She's still doing her impressions and big make-ups that she did on State of The Union. She's on the set of a movie playing Judi Dench, Who's fed up of playing the Mother roles. It is early Morning, around 5 AM
(Int.) Sally(Make-Up/Special Effects Make-Up): Good Morning Tracey! Ready for Make-Up?
Tracey: Oh yes Dear. Ready as I'll ever be. I've been in the chair for three hours before getting Make-Up done.
(Sally leads Tracey to the Make-Up Trailer to start on Tracey's transformation. Show Tracey going in, sitting down and then fade, and put " 2 1/2 hours later" on the black screen )
(Int.) ( Fade up)
(Sally has been called on her cellphone, and Tracey's Transformation is complete)
Sally: (On the phone) Yeah. Really?? OH MY GOD! I'll be there ASAP! (Hangs up) Tracey. I'm so sorry but I've just been told my Sister has gone into Labour! I have to go.
Tracey: ( Cheerfully) All right then off you go...(confused) But who's going to do my Make-Up?
Sally: ( Grabbing her Sweater and Bag) Um...Someone who's been in the business for a while. Her name is Ruthy I think.
Tracey: Alright. You'd better be going. Don't want to keep you waiting. See you around! ( Sally leaves, closing the door behind her)
( Tracey is thinking to herself when Ruthy comes in )
Ruthy: ( in a very Ruby Romaine voice) Hey There Honey!
( Tracey looks at Ruthy in the mirror, wide-eyed and thinks "Now that's Freaky...". She also thinks that Ruthy looks exactly like her character Ruby Romaine, only Ruthy's breasts are drastically smaller )
Ruthy: I'm Ruthy...Ruthy Rogaine. I know my last name is the name for a hair growth formula, but I Married a feller who was the Son and Co-Founder of the company. (Pause) He tried givin' me a hickie once...left his teeth on my neck. Anywhoo!
Tracey: (V.O thought) This keeps getting weirder
Tracey: Nice to meet you Ruthy
Ruthy: Yeah Honey, You too! Okay.. let's get started shall we. I gotta go grab my kit from the Buick. Be back in a flash!(Ruthy leaves and Tracey smoothes her long hair, then places it behind one ear )
( Various crashing noises come from outside the Trailer, followed by "Jeesus!" and "Goddam thing!" etc. from Ruthy, Ruthy comes back into the Trailer huffing and puffing.)
Ruthy: (Puts the kit down with a bang on the table) Jesus. I shouldn't have smoked for all those years you know Tracey. Now that's a habit with staying power! ( Laughs)
( Ruthy brings the kit over to where Tracey is sitting, and stops) Hold on Honey. I gotta do my morning stretch. (Ruthy rolls her ankles) (Says while rolling them) And in a circle and in a circle, and around we go, and around we go...
( Ruthy's stretch seems to be getting weirder, and Tracey can't help but smile, and tries to hold in a laugh)
Ruthy: Okay! I'm finito. Let's get started. (Ruthy starts applying Tracey's Make-up)
(While Applying) So, Where are you from? Scandanavia?
( Tracey looks puzzled and thinks "What??" but then remembers that she may be Scandanavian because of her Ancestry)
Tracey: No Actually. I'm originally from England, but have been living in California.
Ruthy: LA huh? The big LA ( Pronounced 'Lay') Whoops...only kidding (Awkward pause)
Ruthy: I remember when L.A used to be nicer. Now it has all these hookers runnin' amuck trying to get their daily dose..in more ways than one! (laughs)
Tracey: I hear ya!
Tracey: So Ruthy, Where are you from? ( Tracey is betting that She'll say Wisconsin, because Ruby was from Wisconsin)
Ruthy: Me? I'm from Wisconsin, dont'cha know? (Tracey thinks "Oh yeah" and smiles to herself)
Tracey: Any Children?
Ruthy: Yeah. I had one Rugrat. His name is Bobby.
( Before Tracey can get another question out that she'd probably know the answer to or would be the complete oposite, yet so similar, like Bobby=Buddy, Ruthy is more than half done her Make-Up )
Ruthy: Almost Done!
( Tracey sits in silence reminiscing of her 'Tracey Ullman Show' days, Her 'Tracey Takes On..' days and Her 'State of The Union' days )
Ruthy: ( adds some finishing touches to the make-up) Make-Up is done! Phase 1 complete! ( Chuckles)
Ruthy: (Continued) What style did they want you to have? You know, the Head Honchos?
Tracey: Just a simple bun. It's going to be pulled out anyways. I am doing a fight scene today with a younger Actress. She pulls my hair out and says, "You Filthy Cow!"
Ruthy: I see...( Starts to brush Tracey's long hair) Jesus girl, your hair is like a horses maine! It goes on for miles! (Laughs)
Tracey: (laughs) I like it long. (Jokingly) Plus, If I cut it, it may take away from my worth. Apparently I'm worth 75 million pounds. I said to myself, "No I'm not...I'm worth much more than that!!" (beat) And I still can't believe that my hair still looks so good..It's so shinnnyy...
Ruthy: Okay there Ms. Fairyland. Wake-up and smell the Chemicals.
( Ruthy is now getting ready to put it back in a bun, but gets side-tracked)
Ruthy: JEEAAZZUUSS! ( Her outburst startles Tracey because It came out of the blue)
Tracey: What?? what is it? is everything alright??
Ruthy: (While putting Tracey's hair in a bun) I forgot to turn the oven on for Bobby. Oh Shoot! now when he turns it on he'll blow up the house!
Tracey: (Jokingly) Let's hope it's still in one piece when you get home!
Ruthy: Yeah. Me too (Sprays Tracey's hair) Cover your mouth. Don't wanna inhale this kinda stuff.
Tracey: Why's that? I don't mind if a bit gets into my mouth. It happens all the time. It doesn't taste that bad...
Ruthy: It's bad for you 'cause it doesn't get you high! The only kinda high it gives you is the high I got when I was with my lover...Nothin'! ( laughs)
Ruthy: Wow Honey! You look good so far! (Clicking noise with the tongue)
Ruthy: (Cont.) and you look good with your hair down.
Tracey: I look like a Troll.
Ruthy: Like those toys they had years ago?
Tracey: Exactly.
Ruthy: So, did you hear about Meryl Streep's new movie that's out? it's really doing well. Of Course it is. It's Meryl Streep for goodness sake.
Tracey: No. I don't think I have. I'm sure it's a bloody masterpiece. Gosh, How old is she now?? 83?
Ruthy: Yep, and she's still making movies! Good for her.
Tracey: That's Meryl for ya.
(Fade Out)
( Fade-up,Inside Ruthy's Trailer)
( Ruthy is finishing Tracey's Hair )
Ruthy: Well there ya go! Your all set!
Tracey: Thank you so much Ruby (quickly corrects herself) I mean Ruthy.
(Tracey is called to set. She hears it through the speaker in Ruthy's Trailer. Tracey leaves the Trailer, and walks a short distance to the set)
Director: Okay Tracey. We're setting up over there. (Points to the corner where the set is decorated as a livingroom, and the younger Actress is already there)
( As Tracey is walking over, she overhears the Assistant Director talking to the Camera Operator, and listens in)
Assistant Director: Looks like we'll have to use the Fuzzy Focus lense this time...Try and make her look more youthful...
Camera Operator: But I thought She said that She wasn't afraid to look ugly on TV...
Assistant Director: Well, that doesn't really matter does it? She was much prettier back in the day.
Camera Operator: She still is. At least she doesn't have the botox and collagen in her face like all the other Actresses you see.
( Tracey smiles to herself and walks over to the set. She'll a little miffed that they said they had to make her look younger)
Tracey: ( V.O thought) If they hired me to play an older part, and I call it 'Wrinkly Work', then why the hell are they going to make me look like a baby? (sigh) Oh well...it is Hollywood afterall...
End
2009
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